What is Romance anyway? What makes relationships, places, gifts, actions and words romantic? My answer: The Three S’s of romance.
“Romantic” is anything a man says or does that makes a woman feel one or more of the 3 S’s, ultimately all three: Sexy, Special, Secure.
Each additional “S” represents a guy’s feelings in each of the three phases of a relationship, accordingly:
- The Dating phase
- The Exclusive phase
- The Committed phase
Of course, this is not a math formula and things can feel slightly different for different people in different relationships, but typically these are the general patterns that are felt and expressed in each phase:
Phase #1: I want you!
The first stage, Dating… The couple is just starting to get to know each other, everything is still new and exciting and sexual tension is the strongest bond. This is the more private stage when both the guy and the girl might still be dating other people, and for that reason (but not only) it’s also the stage when the guy pursues the girl the most and tries to impress her the most in order to win the competition and make her fall for him.
Things to do: The things to do in the private phase are actually more public, more of dating ideas, things and places to impress her, that express “I want you!” as well as fun things to do together. You might want to:
- Pay attention to things she loves eating or doing and buy/cook her favorite food or take her out to her favorite place as a surprise
- Take her out for dinner at nice restaurants, to the movies, to comedy shows, concerts… any dating activity that you both normally enjoy
- Go on a sexy weekend getaway or a fun daytrip
- For a special day like her Birthday or Valentine’s Day, opt for a foolproof, classic piece of jewelry (with no diamonds and that is not a ring).
At this phase anything you say and do expresses “I want you” which makes her feel Sexy.
However, at the point when she really wants you and starts falling for you, she also wants to feel Special:
Phase #2: I want you and only you…
Whether “The Talk” took place or not, this is the “outing” stage… “Dating” becomes “Relationship”, things get exclusive and public when introducing the new partner to friends, family and everyone as “my girlfriend/boyfriend”. At this stage, attraction grows beyond the physical and the bond becomes more emotional. If you were only lovers before, now you enjoy being both lovers and best friends.
At this point, if you still haven’t said a first “I love you“, you probably already said something like “I’m crazy about you“, “you’re the best“, “you’re amazing” or similar. So here’s a news flash: it’s kinda, sorta, almost the same thing… you just haven’t had “The Talk” with yourself yet.
The moment you feel that you don’t want her to date other people and that you’re ready to introduce your relationship to the world (both inside and outside of Facebook), it means that, dude, you’re in love… and that’s more than a half way to “I love you”.
Things to do: On top of the sexy and fun things you’ve been doing since you started dating, the new things you start doing in the public phase actually get more private, more intimate, as the relationship deepens and the emotional bond grows.
Now you might ALSO want to:
- Bring her flowers every once in a while for a TGIF or a “Happy Tuesday” or “because it’s 4pm”…
- Alternatively for a “VDAY Every Day” you can get her sexy lingerie or romantic fragrances
- Plan a destination vacation together that is longer than a short weekend, now that you’re more comfortable spending more intensive time together
At this phase anything you say and do expresses “I want you AND only you” which makes her feel Sexy AND Special.
However, at the point when she really, deeply loves you and sees her future with you, she also wants, and needs, to feel Secure:
Phase #3: I want you and only you… Forever.
The commitment, the ring, the “marry me” phase… When “Relationship” becomes “Engagement”, when a guy realizes that this is the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with, that life with her is just… better… and that he can’t imagine life without her.
At this stage he makes it not only public, but also official, and not only to friends, family and some random people but also to the world, to make a statement to everyone: “This is my woman, my love, the future mother of my children, my chosen one”. “Sorry ladies… I’m off the market”. “Gentlemen, this woman is mine”. *Swoon*
For a woman this is the epitome of romance, the ultimate turn on, the perfect foreplay:
when her man makes her feel Sexy, Special AND Secure.
Things to do: On top of the sexy, fun & intimate things you’ve been doing since you started dating, now you can and should go all the way…
- Now it’s time for that special, sparkly piece of jewelry in the precious box, in the perfect moment, that says only one thing… yes, put a ring on it!
- Now it’s also the perfect time to start planning your first international travel together, few weeks of precious time in an exotic, picture-perfect destination which will probably be your honeymoon